Discovery + Magnolia Network shows, rated

Now that we’ve taken the stinks out of Magnolia’s preview tab, let’s explore shows that have potential, but also the potential to make you yawn. There is nothing really bad about them, but there is nothing that attracted me. These are the shows that I struggled to remember even after watching them. Having said that, one of them could be your favorite! (I see you, woman with four Johnnyswim tattoos featured on the Johnnyswim show, and I respect your life choices.)

These are the shows that are great, I guess …

18) Family dinner

Talent: Andrew Zimmern
Available episodes: 1
Length: Half hour
Basic Gist: Chef Andrew Zimmern visits families everyday to learn about the culinary traditions that keep their homes full of life and love.
Verdict: Its good! Completely good! A relatively charming look at the impact of home cooking on our families. My only two worries are that I have seen a million food shows traveling in Queens and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to get out of it.

17) Fixer for the first time

Talent: Chip and Jo Gaines
Available episodes: 1
Length: Half hour
Basic Gist: Chip and Jo offer moral support and some helpful advice for people who are starting their first flips.
Verdict: Take Chip and Jo out of this show and you’ll get a carbon copy of any filler HGTV show. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones they air early in the morning on weekends before giving us what we really want to see: seven straight hours of Chip and Jo. It’s basically just a makeover show. That’s all.

16) Home On the Road with Johnnyswim

Talent: Johnnyswim (photo above)
Available episodes: 1
Length: Half hour
Basic Gist: At home on the road is a documentary series that follows popular band Johnnyswim as they balance marriage and parenthood with the rigors of touring.
Verdict: If you’re a die-hard Johnnyswim fan – and they exist – this is probably a must-have watch for you. However, I’m not a proverbial Swimfan, so I was a bit bored watching this pic of the perfect couple go through their day. The most dramatic thing that happened in the first episode is ordering bagels. I am not joking. Amanda craves bagels, so her husband, Abner, finds a delicatessen in Texas. They order bagels and have an emotional connection with the woman who made their bagels. Do you know what I mean? Not exactly the most exciting content for casual viewers. And what was probably weird at the introductory meeting – imagine you have to WORK with your CHILDREN crawling all over you – is now very commonplace in 2021. So, yes, it’s okay!

15) Open a new path: expand silos

Talent: Chip and Jo Gaines
Available episodes: 1
Length: Hour
Basic Gist: Our intrepid chefs Chip and Jo have bought more land around their beloved silos and are building what appears to be a small village for tourists to come and pay homage to their greatness.
Verdict: Sigh, as you can see from my description of the stage, I personally feel uncomfortable with Chip and Jo’s literally ever-changing land grab in Waco, TX. They basically built a theme park that people can visit, watch, and fork out money for souvenirs. This is just a bloated advertisement for this theme park which, again, is good! I’d rather just pretend that Chip and Jo are just low-key flippers and not Texas stronghold lords.

14) super dad

Talent: Taylor Calmus
Available episodes: 1
Length: Half hour
Basic Gist: Taylor Calmus is a builder and inventor obsessed with making life fun for children. He teams up with fathers to create one-of-a-kind play sets.
Verdict: This show has a lot of potential because it taps into one of my personal favorite DIY network vibes: the random dude who walks into your life to renovate your yard with plywood and attitude. However, I have a few minor issues with the show. First, I liked the featured dad more than host Taylor Calmus (who looks like an announcer on a ’90s Nickelodeon show). Second, I wish I had spent more time on how Calmus designed the sick bike ramp and less on his home life. Sorry, I wasn’t blown away by the gravy train he built for his wife.


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